Dina Emser: Everyday Toasts

Your family and friends are gathered around a huge table. The filmy tablecloth lies loosely against your lap and there are candles and fine china and fancy silverware sparkling. Flowers adorn the center of the table and the candlelight shimmers, creating a scene straight from a movie. You are seated at the head of the table, and every eye is on you as you rise up, slender glass flute in your hand. You look around the table, making eye contact with everyone, savoring this moment, the feeling of connectedness, and the pleasure of having each of these people in your life. And then you begin.

Your words speak to the context of the event that brings you all together. Your words acknowledge the people who are important players in the drama that has either recently played out or is yet to happen in the very near future. Your carefully chosen words give all who listen access to your unique perceptions, your deepest feelings, your heartfelt wishes, or even your gravest sorrow.

As your voice becomes still, each person raises a glass, mirroring your movement, faces soft, lips parted, echoing the words that have completed your part of the ceremony. A sigh escapes you as you seat yourself again at the table and the feast begins. Conversation takes over; the quiet moment is past. And yet the impact lingers, the silken, invisible threads of caring, community, and a strong sense of belonging connecting each person powerfully to the next.

Why must we wait for special occasions to share the power of a toast? I wonder what difference it would make if we took the time more often to share with people who are important to us how we really feel about them. What would happen if daily or even weekly, we quieted ourselves before a meal to gather our thoughts and share them before raising our glasses—so what if there’s only water in them and macaroni and cheese on the table?

We are gifted as a species with the tool of verbal language. We know the power of the spoken word because we are inundated with words day in and day out. By the close of the workday, we can feel exhausted by so many words. And yet there is something about slowing down, considering words carefully, and speaking from the heart that can erode the walls of our defensiveness and loneliness like steady rain on a dry landscape.

This year, why not warm up your life with toasts? Special occasions provide powerful memory points in the stories of our lives, and our everyday experiences create the backdrop that gives evidence to who we are and how we live. What will you remember about this day? Who will you acknowledge? How will you express what is on your heart and in your head? What will the impact of your words be?

Ok, now pay attention. I’m raising my glass to each one of you right now. I feel a toast coming on.

Here’s to you and the life you want to create in this New Year. I believe that you have many talents and dreams and that as you commit to creating what you want in this New Year, support for it will come. To you! Cheers.

Dina Emser, Professional Development Coach, www.dinaemser.com