Balance the Bar by Dina Emser

We often hear people talk about raising the bar. We say it is important to set the bar high for our children, both at school and home, because the accepted belief is that they rise to whatever is expected of them. We also like high bars at work. We scorn mediocrity and push for higher and higher productivity, creativity, and production. We reward people when they do well, and punish them when they disappoint. Well-documented recipe for success, right?

It is true that when the expectations we set for ourselves and others are a bit challenging, we strive towards growth and improvement, great ingredients for engagement. I’m not so sure that the reward/punish cycle is quite as effective as we believe or we wouldn’t be seeing such a profound level of discouragement in so many sectors of our society today.

While challenge is an important element for most of us in terms of our enjoyment and long-term satisfaction in our jobs, our relationships, and our personal growth, safety also needs to be in place before a challenge can be accepted. It can be a tender balance, but when an atmosphere of safety is present, it is easier for us to take on the challenges, prepared to make mistakes in order to learn and progress.

Imagine the bar is the one used in the Olympic event, the High Jump. First of all, who in their right minds would attempt the high jump without the big cushiony support providing a safe place to land on the other side? The improvements made to the landing area alone have changed the sport in terms of the strategies high jumpers now use to clear the bar. And here’s another important strategy: in the early rounds, the bar is set moderately low so that the participants can get their muscles and psyches warmed up for the later challenge. The bar is raised only in very small increments each time, building the jumper’s confidence and positive energy to succeed.

What if we used the same idea when setting the bar for others and ourselves? What if we started small and increased the challenge in small increments, training and warming each time so that the new advancement appeared doable rather than overwhelming? What if we acknowledged each new height with support, appreciation, and applause?

Understanding that challenge is a part of life and that we can meet each challenge as it comes, effectively and confidently, is a very important mindset for success. When you are tempted to set the bar high for yourself, your coworkers, or your children, look first at the sense of safety you have created. Do you feel safe to make a mistake, explore many options, experiment, and possibly make a mess in order to conquer the challenge? Do you feel supported to knock the bar right off the pins in order to take yourself and your colleagues, family, or company to the next level of excellence?

Embrace the tender balance of the bar
—allow safety to support each challenge.

Dina Emser
Dina is a Professional Development Coach who helps people make the most of their current circumstances. For more information about how she works with individuals and groups, and to sign up for her monthly ezine, Work in Progress, go to www.dinaemser.com.